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Monday, December 21, 2009

This Girl.

Last week I volunteered at M's school to help make the Christmas presents for all the parents. It was fun and I actually really like it. (I'm not going to say what it is because I'm supposed to be surprised on Christmas, even though I was there when she made it. Silly, I know.)

Parents are asked to send it $2 to help defray the costs of the activity and we sent $4. We have never wanted to put the kids in the position where they have to choose who to make a craft such as that for at Christmas. And the kids want to make something for both sets of their parents.

So when M's class arrived to make their craft, her teacher handed M, who was at the end of the line, her two jars and she got started going from station to station.

And I watched her go from happy, smiley girl to quiet and avoiding eye contact by the last station.

Most every mom that was there helping asked her why she got to make two jars.

"How come you get to make two?"
"How'd you get lucky enough to make two?"

And at the beginnning M would answer, "I have two homes."

But by the end, she wouldn't answer anymore.

Embarrassed, ashamed by something out of her control. Our once prideful preschooler who has never known anything but this life, with mom, dad and stepmom. And now, stepdad too.

Or maybe it wasn't even that, maybe it was just realizing that she was the only one making two. The only one anyone was asking anything besides; would you like Christmas M&M's or regular M&M's?

I was helpless. Looking at her sweet face, wishing I could make the question stop being asked.

One mom, seated two seats away from my station even asked the mom next to her if M had to pay for two as M left the classroom.

"We did send money for two." I said. Stopping her in her tracks as she made the connection that I was connected to this little girl that she thought she could possibly judge.

What more could I say? What more could I do?

At eight years old, the outside world is pointing out that she is different and she is feeling it.

For every awkward, uncomfortable moment I have had to live as a stepmom, I would do them all ten fold at the cost for her to never feel that way again.

She owes no one an explanation for decisions that are not hers. A life she didn't make for herself. This whole two homes business wasn't her doing. But this is this girls life. This girl, is more than a child of divorce. She is more than child in two homes. This girl is loved and beautiful. Intelligent and articulate. This girl is just a girl.

Won't you just let her be, just a girl for awhile longer?


Blogger Broken 4 Love said...

That's sad... It shouldn't be that way.

December 22, 2009 at 12:11 AM  
Blogger LutherLiz said...

That is so sad. The thing is that someday she will be able to be a guide for her friends who become children of divorce through no fault of their own.

Still, I wish a snarky "I have more people who love me" would be an appropriate thing to teach a child. However it is probably not.

December 22, 2009 at 12:22 AM  
Blogger Jill Davis Doughtie said...

Oh, Miss M! I am sorry that this happens. Ow.

December 22, 2009 at 12:49 AM  
Blogger The Bishops said...

Oh Samara & Miss M. Isn't it sad how people focus on the petty things in life? Like who makes 2 jars and who makes 1? Those people will never know true joy in their lives like you do!!

Always remember you are LOVED. DOUBLY loved. That is nothing to be ashamed of or sorry for!

December 22, 2009 at 7:02 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

Oh Samara, this just broke my heart in half.

You have to do so much explaining in your life, it just makes me mad. (And why when I was reading did I imagine those two moms like the snotty blondes in The New Adventures of Old Christine?)

December 22, 2009 at 7:50 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

So unfair. People should think before they speak! It's just not right. It's none of their business why she gets to make two. Well written post S, painful as it was, thank you for sharing it.

December 22, 2009 at 8:28 AM  
Blogger GMS said...

As a step daughter, I knew I was loved and valued by my step mom the first time I saw her have a "mother bear" response when someone messed with her "cub". It was not a big deal and nothing nasty, but it was a small bump in the a 2 jars incident. Later I found out how protective she was feeling and that although she said a little something, she was truly holding her tongue from saying as much as she wanted to. That is one of the first moments I knew I was "born in her heart".

December 22, 2009 at 8:41 AM  
Blogger The Fritz Facts said...

I know this pain, I have seen it on Hunter's face so many times. He made two of everything in school, and he was judged for it so much. We always sent extra money as well, and let the teacher know ahead of time but the words would still come from kids and other parents.

I hope your Little Girl is okay, and understands how amazingly loved she is.

Hugs from one Stepmom to another

December 22, 2009 at 10:31 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

Sad face :(

Who will teach the children if the parents don't know?

December 22, 2009 at 11:16 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

In this day and age I am surprised that the question was even asked. How sad for her. How ignornant of the other Moms. Can't imagine what they're teaching their kids.

December 22, 2009 at 2:38 PM  
Blogger Rodman Life said...

This breaks my heart, but even on days like that, she is blessed to get to make two. She's blessed to have not just one loving woman in her life, but two. On days like that I'm sure it's hard for her to see it as a blessing, but she knows that you are!

December 22, 2009 at 4:45 PM  
Blogger Gina said...

Oh S, this breaks my heart! Some people and the way they think or what they say is just horrible. She is always so spunky and no matter what she is going to always know that she is LOVED by so many people and it doesn't matter if she makes 2 gifts or 1.

December 23, 2009 at 7:11 AM  

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