Don't Walk Without Me.

H and I are enjoying the lull of the day. E's snoozing away in her crib. We're playing play doh while simultaneously baking pumpkin bread. Dinner's in the crock pot. The house is tidy. Laundry going. M will be getting off the bus in the next little while and then T. My dad's joining us for dinner.

It's a good day.

I'm getting packed up and ready to go to my first blogging conference/retreat in Oregon, Wi. Looking forward to meeting twenty-eight other Midwest bloggers.

I have to admit, though I think I'm pretty extroverted these things kind of make me anxious and sometimes, it's hard for me to meet new people.

This is also my very first time away from E. Now, I'm not nervous about J and all four kids or how that's going to go down. Sure, H might wear the same Batman shirt the entire time I'm gone and the others might also pull off the ragamuffin look (which I mean in the best possible way) but J's a great dad and can pretty much handle anything. Most likely better than I do at times. Plus, he always remembers how much I love coming home to a clean house. Was that too direct of a hint?

But what I am nervous about is E and her walking. I have spent every single day with her since she was born 13 months ago, not missing a single milestone, both mundane and monumental. And now I will be gone less than 48 hours and I fear that when I return she will be walking. I can't imagine her walking without me. Those first walking steps alone.

She is so stinking close. Last night, at 10:30pm, when J and I were hanging out with E, who was boycotting sleep for what we thought was an ear infection, I told him my fear that she would take her first steps and I'd miss it.

"I'd be crushed!" I told him. "Can't you just knock her down, hold her, anything to not let her walk without me?"

So we spent 15 minutes having her walk between the two of us thinking maybe she'd let go of one of our fingers and just do it and I wouldn't miss it, but she didn't.

So while I'm away I won't be worrying about what my kids eat, drink, how much sleep they're getting or even if they're having fun. J (and babysitter Rachel who will be here part of Saturday) will ensure all these things and more. But I do worry about E and those first beautiful steps she's about to embark on. No walking allowed is the one rule I care about the most this weekend.

Is it wrong to request my family to keep her crawling while I'm away? Just a little tap and she'll be back on her bottom if she happens to stand up? Whatever you do, do not let her walk without me!

Horrible?

Please don't walk without me, E, it's really not allowed. At least until I get back.
I can't stand the thought of missing it so won't you just wait for me?