Two Steps Forward, One Step Back.

Come April, I'll have been at this gig six years.

The wife thing, that's been fairly easy. I love J, he loves me. Life is good.

The blended family thing, oh, how it ebbs and it flows. Not the love part. There's love. So much of it it's overwhelming at times.

So naive was I as we stood in front of the congregation saying "I do." And don't read that the wrong way, I'd do it all over again, knowing everything I know now.

I feel as though when I started this stepmom thing I was at the bottom of a mountain, climbing upwards.

Two steps forward, one step back.

We did a birthday party together. Two steps forward.

Scheduling/school registration issues. One step back.

And so on until we got to where we were going.

Fast forward to two years ago, and we were at the top of that mountain, breathing in the mountain air. And it felt so good.

Prideful was I, that if we can do it, anyone can.

We get along. For the kids. For each other.

We're working together. Trucking along.

Look at us, we told the world.

Issues were few and we beamed. We laughed at the history and old issues that once wrecked havoc on our daily lives.

For we, we were bigger than all of that.

And we still are, aren't we?

I have prided myself on the fact that we, this blended extended family thing we have going on, is different. We are not another high mainenance, high conflict family in the throes of day to day struggle. I don't want us to be ordinary, I want us to be extraordinary.

But I am coming to terms with change. We are not where we were two years ago. We are not where we were six years ago.

We are where we are right now.

Which I think is smack dab the middle of the mountain.

We've made progress, we have. But we've struggled, different ideals, new boundaries. Jobs and roles have changed over time. And when we started all this 6 years ago, there was no H and no E to consider as we go about life as a blended extended family.

Two steps forward. One step back.

Five years ago, when T turned 6, it was our first blended/extended family challenge. We did it. Awkwardly and stressfully through, it happened.

And we walked away with lessons learned. Truths exposed and realizations made. We're in this for the longhaul.

It was the beginning of vulnerability, insecurities were at their highest and honestly, I look back and wonder how none of us had ulcers. I believe we were probably at our worst back then.

This past Friday, once again, in the dimmest of lights we gathered at the bowling alley, but this time was different. We were not at our worst. We were not at our best. We just were who we are for the kids and for each other.

There were no raging insecurities. Or conflicts of any sort.

But there was distance and boundaries, good boundaries to be had. Boundaries that are needed to continue moving forward, and not back.

Raising children with other people besides your spouse, it's a very intimate relationship. And it's not one that will end. Even when your feelings are hurt or you're in a funk, these people, as long as those kids are in your life, these people are in your life.

And it's not just the other co-parents. It's grandparents and aunts and uncles on both sides, they aren't just people to be dealt with or share pleasantries with, these are people who in my case are forever people in my life because they all love T and M and T and M are some of my forevers.

Have you ever thought of looking at it like that?

We are not perfect and have never claimed to be. We've worked long and hard at the best that is to be had, we've struggled and fallen backwards and now we're right where we're at. Not at the top. Not at the bottom.

Smack dab the middle.

Two steps forward, one step back.