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Tuesday, January 19, 2010

My Best. 2.

Last weekend, a new friend, interviewed me for a project she's doing. She asked questions about modern motherhood, how things have changed from my perspective and what I think about having it all. We talked strollers and my strange obsession that has fully utilized the third stall of our garage. (We're at 6 right now, which is down. But I'm contemplating another. Is there a strollers anonymous out there?)

One portion of our conversation stayed with me long after and it was because mostly as I said the words I realized how very much I meant them and how in that moment, in this moment, how content and blessed I really am about life and my roles.

It is not perfect. Oh, it is so not perfect.

Where I once struggled with this idea of success and feeling I was far away from where I thought I wanted to be, I have found this sense of peace. Of knowing that I am doing what I need and want to do right now.

For one of the first times in my life I am not considering jobs or resumes or options. The document on my computer with my resume intact hasn't been touched in almost 2 years now and I wonder when this switch flipped.

I think that old Mommy War thing still happens today and I was never exempt. I'm just not fighting it right now.

Don't get me wrong, I still have dreams and aspirations and the idea of writing a book is still something I'm yearning for.


I am happy and blessed and truly believe I am living and doing my best right now.

My kids, all four of them, are happy and healthy and loved.

And isn't that the goal of every mother out there?

It's not having the child who's the fastest runner or best speller. It's not having the cutest kids or the ones who never get in trouble at school. It's not who's child is in the most activities and speaks the most languages. By the third grade.

It's not having the child who always complies, it's having the ones who question and give us things to ponder and make us realize that sometimes our own rules make no sense. It's having children that struggle to listen or love to tattle on their siblings.

The goal isn't the balance in our checking or the most beautifully designed home.

At the end of the day, we may not have had a gourmet dinner and I may have lost it. Only once or twice.

Though there may be shoes scattered across my entry, loads of laundry waiting in my laundry room, dishes needing to be rinsed and paperwork needing to be gone through, as long as I have heard my kids laughing and playing and living life, I will have succeeded.

The rest of it, details.

And that to me, is living and doing my best as a mom and a stepmom.

To see the first part of this post, you can read it here.


Blogger LutherLiz said...

I'm glad you are in a place to feel joy in your daily life. What a great place to be! (Even if we still lose it once or twice).

January 19, 2010 at 9:39 AM  
Blogger Lee of MWOB said...

This was so inspiring for me to read this morning. Thank you. I don't know why I struggle so much with my own personal Mommy War brain. I know all of the things you wrote to be absolutely true and really the main things that matter. But for some reason I fight internally about making myself a mom first and foremost in my own head. I know I am in my heart. But my head plays tricks on me. Thank you for these eloquent words to remind me again and again.

Sooo amazing to meet you and get the chance to really chat with you and I sure hope we can hang out again sometime.

Malibu "Cupcake" Project is in Phase One. :-)


January 19, 2010 at 10:31 AM  
Blogger happygal said...

This is so well said. I agree, and have these same thoughts and battles all the time. I keep reminding myself that, sometimes, I really have to be happy with "good enough."

I look forward to meeting you tonight at the MN Bloggers event

January 19, 2010 at 1:06 PM  
Blogger Anti-Supermom said...

Lee is one of my newest best friends too, how could you *not* love her?

It's sounds like you are finding a great balance in your life, you should remember this post when it gets off a little ;)

January 19, 2010 at 1:21 PM  
Blogger Broken 4 Love said...

Mmm, I absolutely love it Samara.
A sense of peace about one's place in life is SO hard to come by - no matter what age you are - because the world is always telling us we need something MORE and something ELSE... but you've captured the vision of what it is really about.

I hope I can model this someday. :) Contentment doesn't come easy.

January 19, 2010 at 2:06 PM  
Blogger GMS said...

I'm thankful that T, M, H and E have you AND that you are content & joyful to be living in the big and small moments with them.

January 19, 2010 at 5:39 PM  
Anonymous Unplanned Cooking said...

This is such a great post. I have that internal struggle daily. I love being home with my kids and feel such joy, but there is a part of me that wonders what else I could be doing by making different choices. But life is about living in the moment, isn't it? And in this moment there is no place I'd rather be ;).

January 19, 2010 at 7:34 PM  
Blogger amanda said...

just the fact that lee asked my opinion had me week in the knees. and i sooo wish i could answer all over again...

so this post? totally get it. more than you know. here's to our own personal best. and knowing that some days are just better than others :)

January 19, 2010 at 8:15 PM  
Anonymous Emma said...

Sweet post! Glad to have discovered your blog. :-)

January 20, 2010 at 10:36 AM  

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