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Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Awake.

It is late and I am much too tired to still be awake, but sleeping is hard. While I could have stayed at the hospital and slept, I wanted to come home, to my own bed, but yet I still lie awake.
I roll from side to side, thinking, praying, wondering. My husband asks what he can do.

Nothing. This will all be a process I know. An unfamiliar, uncomfortable process I must trench through.

Oh what a day it has been.

Her body and her mind are failing her now and she wants to go home. She wants to go home before she goes to her heavenly home. And if my father could, he would pick her up and carry her to the car and take her there. But he can't. Not yet, anyway.

Hold on mom. One more night, it's ok. I repeat into my mothers ears as we hold her. She wants to go home.
Tomorrow we can go home. My dad tells her. And I pray he is right.

Continuing to pray, in the words of Madison, that the good Lord keep her safe on her way to heaven. May He also keep her comfortable and at peace and hold all the pieces of my dad's heart together just a little while longer.

19 Comments:

Blogger Sara J. said...

Sorry that you are going through this... here is a little distraction when you have a few minutes.



Just started a blog of my own to get some words of wisdom from the mom community... love to hear from you!
http://addur2cents.blogspot.com/

December 12, 2007 at 5:55 AM  
Blogger Emanuel and Kendra Wheeler said...

I just said a prayer for you all. It is about the 50th time today that I have talked to God about it...and it won't be the last. My students at school asked if they could pray for you too...so they did and they are. I love you.

December 12, 2007 at 7:31 AM  
Blogger Jill Davis Doughtie said...

Oh, Samara. Hug.

December 12, 2007 at 8:03 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27

December 12, 2007 at 8:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Samara, I awoke at 3am and the good Lord led me to pray for you and your family. You are being lifted up. I pray you find peace in the arms of our Savior. "For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 42:13 I hope it can bring you comfort to know He is holding the right hand of your mom, your dad, your sisters, and yourself. Di<><

December 12, 2007 at 8:14 AM  
Blogger Alli said...

Oh, Samara. I can't imagine how hard that is. I'll be praying for you and your family, and especially comfort for your mother.

December 12, 2007 at 9:03 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

Samara, this was my mother's favorite scripture, and though her strength was not renewed on this earth, she is now whole with the Lord. We took much comfort in her pending restoration in our own time at North. Be blessed today friend, be blessed. Your web community is praying for you.

December 12, 2007 at 9:29 AM  
Blogger melissa said...

Every time I exhale it seems to come out as a prayer. LUMI.

December 12, 2007 at 10:47 AM  
Blogger yeb said...

she is surrounded by love. it is a blessing that you are able to be there with her and your dad, however hard it is.

December 12, 2007 at 11:31 AM  
Blogger The Lindahl News said...

Comfort, prayers and love to you, dear Samara. And especially to your Mom.

December 12, 2007 at 12:11 PM  
Blogger Jill Davis Doughtie said...

Sending you another hug across the internet.

December 13, 2007 at 9:51 AM  
Anonymous Holly said...

Words cannot express what I want to say. I knelt by my bed last night and said a prayer for your mom and your whole family. We will all be with you through this but most importantly God will be with you and will never leave you. There is joy in heaven today but sadness on earth.

December 13, 2007 at 12:06 PM  
Blogger Cathy said...

Oh, Samara. I received the news this noon of your Mom's passing. Thank you for having your friend pass the message on. I have to tell you I actually jumped in surprise when I read the words. I guess I was sure that she would make it home, but God must have had a different plan.

I'm so sorry...sorry that you and your family have such a sadness this holiday, sorry for your Dad because he will have so much to deal with now that your Mom is gone. I know he needed to be strong for your Mom, and now will be so hard for him once he has the time to deal with everything. I'm so glad he has you to help him through this and that you have your husband and children giving you your much needed hugs. And selfishly I am so sorry to have lost a dear friend. My heart is so sad for all of you. Please know that if I could be there I surely would.

Fondly, Cathy Eckers

December 13, 2007 at 5:35 PM  
Blogger Jill Davis Doughtie said...

I'm so sorry for your loss.

December 14, 2007 at 8:45 AM  
Blogger The Process said...

I am praying for you and for your dad and your extended family.

I am praying that God pours peace into your hearts and that you feel this.

I am praying that in the times where you don't feel peace, that you allow yourself to be in that place and to know that you are supported by a community of people who love each of you and want your hearts to heal.

Peace to your mother's memory, Samara.

December 14, 2007 at 1:56 PM  
Blogger The Process said...

"We end in joy"

December 14, 2007 at 1:58 PM  
Blogger audrey said...

Sarama, my heart is so saddened, and yet full for you. I'm praying for you as you miss your Mom, and for your Dad and your family as each of you greives and comforts one other through this incredibly difficult time.

May the Lord comfort you.

December 15, 2007 at 7:50 AM  
Blogger Bryan said...

Samara...we have never met, but I work with Jeffrey at Perspectives. I know your pain, as I too lost my mother much too soon. My heart breaks for you, but smiles as well at the love you so gracefully expressed in your writing. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Bryan

December 15, 2007 at 2:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my little Samara. How my heart breaks for you, your dad and your sisters right now. When I heard the news about your mom months ago I had always intended to stop by to see her. I didn't because I didn't know what to say. And now, I don't know what to say to you. Adrianne texted Meg with the sad news on Thursday. And, I have not been able to stop thinking of your mom since then. She was such a neat lady. I keep thinking of her in the front yard, calling over to Kenzie, her little buddy. Nan was her own person. She was strong, sensitive, friendly and loyal. Most of all she was an incredible mom. She loved you guys so much. And was there for my daughers too numerous times to count. I was so lucky to have her there to watch out for the girls. I have never known a better neighbor and probably never will. She was kind. She was generous. And you knew she was a very spiritual person without her having to tell you. She was taken from you all way too soon. God must have a special plan for her. Because she is one special woman. I send you and your family all my love and prayers in the days, weeks, months to come. I will be there on Monday and possibly Sunday night. God bless you! Theresa Herlofsky

December 15, 2007 at 8:51 PM  

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