The End of An Era.

For the last two plus years (minus the summers) H and I have spent one morning a week at our local community education center taking ECFE class together. (For those without children or outside Minnesota, ECFE stands for Early Childhood Family Education. Basically parent/child classes, the first half is parent/child playtime and songs, then the parents go have discussion and the kids stay with the teacher.)

This morning was his last one. Because next year he'll be in preschool. (And it looks like he'll be going two days/week after all now.)

At the risk of sounding like quite the sap, in all honesty, the morning, and especially the goodbye song we sing each week, was bittersweet.

Though the song says goodbye to our friends and I know we'll see our friends I felt as though today's goodbye was to the class and building, this era and experience instead.

When H was just short of one and we signed up for our first class, I was miserable. I didn't know anyone, I felt like an outsider and the only thing that kept me going was knowing that H loved it. (That, and sometimes I didn't have anything else to do. Oh how I'd love a day like that now.)

I realize now looking back that my expectations were all goofy. I didn't put myself out there for fear of judgment and my insecurities very much got in the way of making the relationships with other moms that I longed for. I've written about my experience with Mom's Club and MOPS and even ECFE before and if you haven't read them, you have to. It makes, even me, laugh.

Because I am not a quitter we signed up again that fall and it got better and I started feeling like it fit us. We were connecting. Engaging.

And loving it.

As a matter of fact, I like to believe we thrived and now, every single day H asks about his 'friends'.

Amazingly, here we are today, seven sessions of class since that first one where I felt like a fish out of water and now that we're floating along, it's over.

Some kids in class have come and gone. Some parents have gone back to work or changed their schedules. But one constant has been, Miss Jackie, his teacher. She has been there since day one. And I couldn't have handpicked a better first teacher for H.

She has been patient and loving and kind. She has taught them social skills and manners and how to be a friend. She is honest, and makes sure to tell us when our kids have disobeyed and there is something refreshing about that.

The point of all this rambling and reminiscing is that I am happy, yet I am sad. I have loved these mornings together and have even started a baby class with E on Wednesdays. I have loved the friends we have made and that we will continue to see and live life with. And I love where H and I are at as mother and child right now.

But I am sad because H is ready to move on to what's next. Bigger and better and much more exciting things await him. (As I'm writing this I do realize I make it sound like he's moving away to boarding school, he's not.)

I oscillate between the point of excitement over H growing up and each new thing he gets to do and between wishing he could stay small forever.

As we sang our final goodbye song at school today, and as H hugged his teachers and his friends (that he'll be seeing again tomorrow) I couldn't help but think, once again, it is going too fast.

If only I could hit pause and stay here a little while longer.

Time is just going by much too fast and it's these moments where I realize it just keeps on going even when I'm not sure I'm ready to turn the page or in this case, say goodbye.

"It is time to say goodbye to all our friends. It is time to say goodbye to all our friends. It is time to say goodbye, give a smile and wink your eye. It is time to say goodbye to all our friends."-The Goodbye Song