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Saturday, March 13, 2010

Watching.

When I was pregnant with E, I wavered between excitement over the new baby and an overwhelmed guilt of how I would forever change H's life.

I had long vowed and told anyone who'd listen that I wouldn't have another babe for awhile. I wanted H to be older, wiser and honestly, selfishly, I wanted him to get me to himself a little while more because I already felt like his time was divided with older siblings.

Sure enough, the American norm hit our family like a brick and H at age 2 years and almost 8 months became a big brother.

And while I celebrated my new little girl, I also spent more than just a night or two going to bed feeling as though I'd missed an entire day of my son's life. I'd watch him sleep at night and promise to be more intentional the next day. Too busy nursing and holding and rocking and babying was I to notice each and every intricacy I once had had time to admire between H and I.
In a matter of hours, his entire self had aged. His entire world changed. And so did mine.

But oh so much for the better.
I watch him with her. How he loves her. How he knows her and her ways. Not once have I specifically talked to him and E and the things she can and can't eat these days and just this afternoon he bent down to her sweet face as she watched him eating string cheese and told her; "I'm sorry, Evie, you can't have string cheese but maybe you could have a pear?" Just like I would say.

And then later as she watches him, because oh does she watch him, he's drinking his milk and he again tells her sweetly, "You can't have this, you have to have soy milk."

As much as I watch him with her. She is watching him. And he, he is watching me and learning how to love and care for his sister.

Perfect, it's not. She still takes his things when he doesn't want her to. He still gets wild and crazy and can have his not so gentle moments, with words and with actions.

But I watch him with her and I know that the best gift we've given him is the gift of E. I've watched him learn to love her the way that we do and it inspires me.
The more I watch, the more I know. The best gifts we've given our kids are the gifts of each other. I truly believe it.

8 Comments:

Blogger amanda said...

thanks for this post friend. i needed it :)

March 13, 2010 at 10:58 PM  
Blogger darcie said...

I grew up in a very *unique* situation and was an only child - unless you count having an aunt in the house who was 9 years older than me who resented my every breathe -
All I ever wanted was a brother or a sister of my own and it was the one thing I had.to.have. when I was trying to figure out this whole mothering thing - ie: two kids no matter what...
(ok, so I really wanted 4 but whatever)
Of course it's not perfect every day - but most days...giving my daughter a brother and my son a sister-I believe with all my heart that they have the best. gifts. ever!

March 14, 2010 at 8:27 AM  
Blogger The Bishops said...

Samara -
As a "little sister" myself, I will tell you there is NOTHING like a big brother! You are right, it is one of the best gifts!I bet H & E will have the most beautiful relationship forever!!

March 14, 2010 at 10:33 AM  
Anonymous Anna said...

S- THANK YOU so much for this post, it is EXACTLY what I have been feeling these days as we adjust to life with two. I have felt guilt over not spending as much time with Will lately, but your post helped me remember what is important - I can't imagine life without my siblings and pray that my boys feel the same way! Thank you for your post and sharing your gift with words with us all!

March 14, 2010 at 9:22 PM  
Blogger Lee of MWOB said...

Oh dude!! I am all teary over here! I could not agree with you more!! Of course. The best gifts we give to our kids is each other and ourselves. Us. The relationships of our lives. It's what it's all about.

Miss ya...

Lee

March 15, 2010 at 12:52 AM  
Blogger The Fritz Facts said...

That is so very true!! I love watching my kids together, the love they share. Their relationship is so special, one of a kind I think. They have such love for each other and such respect.

March 15, 2010 at 7:47 AM  
Anonymous Amanda said...

As I was reading your post a saying came to mind...

"The best gift you can give a child is a sibling."

I was SO thrilled to see you say that at the end... this is a wonderful post!

Blessings-
Amanda

March 15, 2010 at 7:20 PM  
Anonymous Amanda said...

Sorry... that was weird... didnt mean to be anonymous with that comment! :)

Amanda
http://iammommy.typepad.com

March 15, 2010 at 7:21 PM  

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