Overwhelmed.

I mentioned this summer that there was a stay at home mom who wrote something about her feelings that being a stay at home mom is not that hard. I said a few times that I would get back to that, but it was never quite the right time. I was never quite feeling as strongly as I do right now.

So today I interrupt the normal sunshine and roses you typically read here to give you a glimpse of our week.

This week has been an overwhelming, long, tiring, exhausting week. And I can say that now on Friday afternoon while my hyperactive 17 month old child is sound asleep and the other two won't be home until this evening and also because today has been the best day of our week so far and I have got to believe we're on our way up out of the funk I've been in.

Allow me to share with you some highlights of my week:

Mondays are our busiest day right now. H and I take ECFE in the mornings. Where this week in class H discovered the snack cabinet and constantly wanted to open the cabinet and grab the snacks. I only spent the first 45 minutes of class trying to occupy him with other things.

We come home for lunch and nap. Typically H awakes just before the bus comes so we headed to the bus stop to greet M at 2:30pm.

T is currently doing third grade football so he stays after until 3:45pm. We pick him up. Come home, have snacks, get M dressed and ready for dance/gymnastics which starts at 5pm.

This last week we went early because we had to order new tap shoes, so I set H on the floor and asked T to keep an eye on him for a minute while I filled out the order and paid.

I turned around to see T fully engaged in some toys on the floor and no H.

M rushes off into the gym for class. I walked over to T.
"Where's H?"

"Umm. Oops." He looked at me embarrassed.

Immediately I started to panic thinking he got outside the front door and is in the parking lot. But nope as soon as I went to the door to look out a woman came into the lobby.

"Who's child is this?" She bellowed nastily.

"Oh my goodness. He's mine. I am SO sorry." I apologize profusely.

"You need to keep a better eye on your child, he was running across the gymnastics floor and that is not safe."

I apologize again.
She keeps yelling.
I keep apologizing.
She keeps yelling.

Believe me, my child will never again be loose in that gym. Every single parent in the lobby stared at me like I had broken some cardinal rule.

By the time J walked in the door to meet us at class I had had more than enough. Between putting on ballet shoes, entertaining H, putting on tap shoes, cleaning up cereal that H spilt all over the floor, trying to convince T why this would be a good time to do his daily reading for school, I was done.

"I...am...going home!" I said exasperated.

So home I came.
Alone.

Not for any free down time, but to make dinner since class gets out at 6:15 and by the time we usually get home it's 6:30.

With a 7:30pm bedtime that's not much time.

Let's talk about Tuesday now, shall we?

I've mentioned H's new separation issues. Well in the past what seemed to help was talking about it before I left for work. Saying today I am going to work and babysitter girl is coming over.

He did so much better with the transition.

Well this last week, as soon as I mentioned babysitter girl and me going to work, he freaked.

Try getting two kids out the door for school and get yourself ready for work with an 17 month old attached to your leg. It's nearly impossible. And people at school wonder why sometimes I look the way I do.

I should have known though that something was up because by the time I got home at 2pm. H had a temp of 103 degrees.

So our Wednesday day was spent at home. And it was one of the longest days of my entire life.

H was into everything and everywhere. I was tired. He was tired. I was cranky. He was cranky.

Naturally, it was a day J was working late.

H napped less than an hour in the afternoon. I was thinking it might not be that bad since he'd go to bed earlier.

No such luck.

By 8pm I decided that I had had enough and he could stay up and run around until J got home. His choice activity was climbing up and down the entryway steps.

I was spent. Physically. Emotionally. In every regard.

Thursday morning I woke up and felt miserable. I was exhausted from the busyness of life and an active, ill toddler the day before who decided to awake three different times that night.

And don't worry, my husband slept soundly.

I sat on the couch for about 30 minutes waiting for babysitter girl to arrive. I did not get H dressed. I barely got myself dressed and certainly did not shower, what with the new 5am wake up he tried that morning.

Halfway through the day I called home and asked babysitter girl to take H to the park so I could come home, take a shower and get some overdue projects done for work without any distractions. (Who do I think I am, a NYC mama?)

It was right about then that I decided no, being a mom is not easy. Being a stay at home mom isn't easy and being a working mom isn't easy. And considering I fall in between the two "titles" I'm going to go out on a limb and say being any kind of mom is hard work.

By the way, what's the deal with the title stay-at-home mom? Do you seriously know any moms who stay at home all the time? Because I don't.

I'm generally a happy, easy going, fun loving person, you should know that about me by now, but this past week I was not. I was tired, down and overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed by all the stresses and tasks on my plate.

My plate is heapingly full.

Family commitments and childrens activities. My job. My husbands ever growing career. My home that was a heck of a lot cleaner when I worked full time, how does that work? The task of trying to teach little people how to live their lives while providing an environment where they can grow and flourish their little wings.

I love being a mom and stepmom and would not trade for one second any of it. The craziness and the calm. (I'm trying to remember if there has ever been a calm?)

But sometimes weeks like this week happen and I just want to pull my hair out and scream.

I'm serious.

Sometimes it's just not any fun.

Thankfully there are more times that are fun than the ones that aren't.

So this post is dedicated to all the mothers. The veteran mom's who's kids are grown. The new moms with itty bitty babies just figuring it out. The mom of school age kids. The stepmoms. The future mamas.

Dedicated to all of those, because for me, it's important to be honest and give credit where credit is due.

You've got (or you will have) one of the toughest jobs out there. And there are going to be days and moments where you think you are in way over your head, but in the end, your reward is all the little blessings a child (both big and small) brings to you.

So how about this, the next time you see a mom out and about struggling through her day, help her out, make her smile and give her a little grace.

She may just be feeling a tad bit overwhelmed.

Childcare 101

Ask any mother and they will say, one of the hardest parts about working outside of the home is the childcare piece.

I was more than ready last fall to start working and doing something after being home exclusively for almost five months. Don't get me wrong, I loved being home with my newborn. Loved having a summer break.

But I was ready to do something without a baby in my lap and experience some similar freedoms my husband had, such as going to the bathroom without little ones in tow.

Finding someone that you trust with your child can be hard. I feel I am pretty trusting and didn't have too hard of a time leaving H once it was time. A clear sign I was ready.

Shanna watched H this last school year and was a really good fit for us. She lived close enough that it wasn't too far from home or my work and H really enjoyed going and playing. His face always lit up when we got there and we always knew he was safe and well taken care of. (He even made projects once in awhile.)

As the school year closed we realized it was time for a change. I've got a few various commitments to the school district over the summer and much like during the school year it's not full time. It's not fair to someone who is trying to do childcare as a living to have random, part time hours.

Plus in the summer T and M are home too sometimes when I have these commitments.

J and I had some discussions on how we were going to handle things. We know of people who depend fully on family and that's great if that works for you, but for us it wouldn't work. J's mom is more than willing to help when she can, but keep in mind she's 68 years old.

Growing up there were different periods of time where my mom worked, and then different times that she was home all the time. When she worked we had a woman come to the house and take care of us and that was really nice.

I also spent a lot of time as a nanny. Both in Chicago and in Minnesota. And I absolutely loved it. I was with a family of three boys (now four!) in Minnesota for over four years and it was one of the best jobs I ever had.

So....that brought us to Babysitter Girl.

She just graduated from high school and took post secondary classes this last year. Used to work in a childcare center locally. Shares the same Christian beliefs. Has her own car. Her class schedule in the fall is three full days so she would be available to watch H two days so I could work.

Perfect, perfect, perfect...Right?

Well, we're off to a rocky start.

Yesterday she was late. Only ten minutes-late and totally ok, I still made it on time-late. Yet late.

Then when I got home three hours later, I found out that T and M had spent the morning watching Full House.

Today Babysitter Girl was twenty five minutes late.

Making me late.

Not calling to tell me she's late or what's going on.

Just late.

Late enough for T to whisper "S, don't get mad at her ok?"

No, I didn't get mad at her but I think she could tell that I wasn't pleased when I explained that T would fill her in on things and that I had to go.

She felt awful and I doubt she'll ever be late again...but I'm disappointed.

I had high hopes.

So obviously we'll stick it out and see how things keep truckin' but oh-man, did she miss something in Childcare 101 or what...don't be late, tends to make people crazy!

Day to Day Life.

It's Minnesota Education Break today and tomorrow, which means we're all home. I'm off, Ty and Maddy are off and Jeff even took the days off. So we're hoping amidst the rain and glummy weather to enjoy our time off.

Today after we got Henry's 18 month pictures done and lunch with J's parents, we took the kids costume shopping which was nothing short of a nightmare. I think there are far too many options these days. And seriously, whatever happened to re-using costumes, being the same thing another year or even making costumes.

Henry is going to be a scarecrow, so that's all fine and dandy but it's the other two that are having a hard time. Let's just say this wasn't his best moment. August 2007. When mommy forced this costume on him while he was eating his snack.

We have a box of costumes from my parents with things that my sisters and I used to dress up in that the kids from time to time use and play in so this afternoon they are down there with their friend Alex trying things on and playing. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that maybe something in that box, or even our old box will strike them as "the one" and the decision will be made. Until then at least they are making Jeff and I laugh with different masks, ears and other accesories.

H and I attended MOPS yesterday and here's what I made this week.
I'm beginning to impress you now, aren't I? I'm not even going to tell you all the fabulous dinners I have been cooking this week. You might get jealous!

And finally, two funny things Miss. M has managed to crack me up with the past couple days.

Funny thing number one:
On Tuesday, she went on a fieldtrip with school. The trip got back to school about 20 minutes before school got out and the kids who's parents chaperoned got to take their kids home. Well while I didn't chaperone, Tuesday is a day I am working at school and Miss. M took that to mean she too could leave school. It was good because on Tuesdays I am trying to alternate taking one of the kids at a time just to get a hot cocoa or a cider before going home to send babysitter girl home and meet the other one from the bus.

So her and I ran got some hot apple cider and she pointed out a pet shop nearby. So, knowing how much this girl likes animals I agreed and to the pet shop we went.

We looked at the kittens and the puppies and when I saw a Husky, I told her it reminded me of my old dog Gabe. So she tells me, "If you really want a dog, all you have to do is pay some money and you get to take it home. All you have to do is pay money, so easy."

And to that, I laughed because when I think about owning a dog I think about not just paying the money to own the dog but the walking of the dog, and the vet visits, and the dog dirt and the hair....and my list goes on and on.

So I just laughed and told her, "Someday."

Funny thing number two:
Today at Target, she managed to find a lifesize pony that "comes to life" when you feed and brush him. On sale this week for $274.99.
So she looks over at me and said, "I only have $1.00, can you borrow me the rest of the money? I will do a lot of chores for you."

Again, I laughed because she can't even fathom how many chores she would be doing for me to buy her a lifesize pony for our house.And in case you're wondering, yes I do always have my camera with me. You never know when you might need it.

All this makes the day to day life so much more fun, doesn't it?

It's Coming....

School supply shopping at Target.He had to get diapers and crayons so he could be part of the back to school festivities.

Back to school clothes shopping with M. Five hours, way too many stores. Six year old little girl who loves to shop, need I say more?

My new office at school. Might still be making a few changes to the layout and computer set up once I'm in again.

My new storage closet at school.

Did you pick up on what "IT" is?

It is Back to School.
Fall.

New routines.
So what do we have in store this year?

J really has no changes, his work is the same, busy as ever.

I will be working on Tuesdays and Thursdays at the same school and am excited that both T and M will be there this year. I've also got a couple freelance writing gigs up my sleeve that are not quite ready to be public yet. I've recently partnered with BlogHer Ads which is what I'm sure you've noticed on the right hand side. They will be displaying ads and then below the ads they choose a few blogs nationwide daily to refer people to. Just as a side FYI: I don't know these other bloggers, or what they write about so if you click on the links to their sites, do so with caution.

T will be starting the third grade.

M will be starting the first grade.

H will be spending Tuesdays and Thursdays with babysitter girl, here at home. I'm hoping to do another ECFE class with him, maybe even MOPS and most likely swimming for all three kids.

What I love most about fall is the start of new-ness. The leaves changing and falling. Cool, crisp mornings.

I always find that fall is the time where we end up committing (or overcommitting) ourselves to activities, opportunities and the buzz of life. I recently found this quote (by Oprah, of all people) that is too good not to share.

Before you agree to do anything that might add even the smallest amount of stress to your life, ask yourself. What is my truest intention? -Oprah Winfrey

Good question. For me, the queen of random jobs, this is a good thing to think about.

So how about you, what are you in for this fall? Or what's your favorite thing about fall?

Good Help is Hard To Find.

Almost five years ago now we really struck it rich with the best babysitter on the planet. Rachel was our number 1 girl.

Rachel graduated from college, did some mission work and eventually found a job and a fiance'. She still helps us out here and there but her life is changing and we've been forced to find others to help us out.

For close to a year now we have been on the hunt and seriously, the stories.

We've found great neighborhood gals and even an older sister of M's friend that are great but really for all four kids we have to have someone post high school.

I placed an ad in a few different places this past spring and summer and the emails and resumes I received was astounding.

That's when I realized, I'm picky and I have high standards. I babysat and nannied for years and never ever realized how good I was.

We hired a girl last spring to help us out one morning a week and various evenings/weekends. She worked out for a couple months but we found out she was being dishonest about silly things. {Like telling us they would go to the park when they didn't. Telling us she made XYZ for lunch and really they had ABC.} We decided if she was lying to us about stuff like that how could we trust that she was telling us the truth on big stuff.

She also really liked just having the kids watch tv. Which is ok for a half an hour here and there but not when you come home and find out they've watched four hours of Dora the Explorer. {No exaggeration.}

We parted ways silently. And then began the search again.

Over the summer, I solidified what we really wanted and needed in a babysitter.

I wanted someone who will engage with my kids. Walk to the park, play a game, make things. Care for them and enforce what we ask to be enforced.

After returning home too many times with hours of clean up in front of me, I decided I needed to put together some expectations before I hire anyone else. {No joke. Word to the wise, inform your sitters to not put sunscreen on your children inside. Also, maybe at least put the dishes from whatever meal they fed the kids in the sink or even better, the dishwasher.}

This fall we placed an ad at a college about 30 minutes away. The emails flooded in.

Highlights included:

College seniors who couldn't spell.
A college junior who "has never babysat before but has always wanted to".
Another applicant who has no current references but once I meet her I'll know she's good.
Being stood up for interviews. Twice.
Interviewing one applicant, liking her enough to check her references, still liking her enough to ask her to babysit and then find out that she's "too busy."

The process was funny, yet slightly concerning.

Finally I found an applicant I liked. She was the perfect interviewer. Her resume was impeccable and the two pages of nanny references were astounding.

She babysat for us 3 or 4 times and everything seemed great so far. The kids had good things to say. The house was always picked up. She seemed to enjoy it. Things were going well.

Then a few weeks back on a Sunday night we came home to find our house trashed. Dishes throughout the kitchen, clothes and toys strewn about the house and her laying on the couch eating.

We chalked it up to a bad night and had her back the following Sunday.

Not only was the house in much worse condition {seriously there were items of children's clothing in every room of our house! the sink overflowing with dishes, food and paper all over the floor, just to name a few} but she again was laying on the couch eating.

According to T & M {and our garbage, because yes I had to check after seeing the mess and hearing their report} in addition to dinner with our kids, she alone ate:

6 Lemon Ice cups
1 pizza
2 bags of popcorn
4 cans of soda
3 fruit leathers
2 granola bars
unknown amount of tortilla chips

There could be more we don't even know about.

When we got home and asked how things had gone, she said, "Great, E just fell asleep on the floor a couple hours ago."

WHAT?!?

Also, she cancelled a show I had recording {The Good Wife} to record a show she wanted to watch {Once Upon a Time.}

I wasn't happy.

The next morning, the only one who had anything good to say was T. T, the almost 13 year old. T, the one who technically doesn't need a babysitter.

What did T like about her? That she hung out on the computer looking at stuff on ebay with him.

Hmm.

M, H & E all were kind of done with this sitter. I was too.

J ran into a bind the other day while I was out of town and needed help. Knowing she's messy, likes to eat and not too into engaging with the kids, I wasn't thrilled but knew he didn't have much of a choice.

Our bigs were at their moms so it was just our littles and they were not happy.

H especially was unhappy which is odd because he pretty much likes everyone.

She showed up and things didn't go too well. There was pretty much a showdown between her and our littles in the entryway. Needless to say, J ended up bringing the kids with him and writing her a check for her drive time.

The nail has been pounded into that coffin. We're officially moving on.

But seriously, where do we go from here?

Thankful Thursday. Thanksgiving Edition.

Not only is it Thursday today, but it's Thanksgiving.

What are YOU thankful for today?

Here's my list....

1.Kindness of Others.

Last night, before J got home there was a knock on the door and it was a neighbor boy {a couple years older than T} asking if he could shovel my driveway. For free. Him and two friends shoveled my driveway and walkway.

2. My dad's safe return from Austrailia.

3. Rachel.

This girl started as our babysitter when H was ONE and she could easily just be a member of our family now. Our kids love her. We love her. She has a heart for Africa, children and teaching and we are blessed to know her and have her in our life. She joined us on our adventure to the Lost City yesterday for the Macy's display and I said to J last night; "How many babysitters do you know that would just hang out with a family just for fun like that?" And he said; "That's because she is way more than a babysitter."

This is so true. I could give you thirty thousand examples of how great she is. Another bonus of knowing her is our other babysitter Anna {who is also much more than a babysitter}. We have really been blessed with two great girls who love our kids and love us and that we all love just as much!

4. Today. Thanksgiving.

I am the first to admit that Thanksgiving hasn't been my most favorite holiday. I am not sure why but this year I'm feelin' it and I'm lovin' it. The tables are set. The food is cooking and we are celebrating a day of thanks with the ones we love.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours and thank you friends, family, readers  for visiting me here where I am able to share my perspective of life.

Letting Go.

A week ago, I chatted on the phone with a friend of mine from ECFE who has decided to put her sons in daycare one day a week. She told me about how hard it was but how much her boys liked it and I encouraged her that this is a good thing and that it will be good for them to have a day a week to grow their independence without mom. It's all a part of letting go, I said.

I sure talk a good talk, don't I?

Then came this week. We bid farewell to babysitter girl part two last week and this week started an entire new chapter in this school year's childcare dilemnas.

Daycare.

I've never had any huge qualms about quality daycares but what has seemed to work best for us this year is having a babysitter one to one with H. And while I think that has been positive (for the most part). I am realizing that he really could use more interaction. Without me around to intervene. Because while we go to ECFE and playdates and things, I am always there to help him.

H is going to Ms. Lisa's house two days a week the rest of the school year and possibly a couple days a week next fall. She is wonderful and loving and kind and very, very sweet. She only runs her daycare during the school year for parents who are teachers or work at school, so she is not overrun with children. In fact, there has only been two other little ones there the two days H went this week.

I know in my heart and mind that Lisa is great and that H will do fine, and that in fact, this is probably a great step for him and his growing independence. And all that aside, it's probably a good step for me to let go too. But that did not make it any easier.

I wasn't quite sure how H would react. Would he be scared? Would he cling to me? Would he be sassy? Would he cry all day long?

The night before his first day, I talked and talked and talked about what would be happening in the morning. That we would get up, get dressed, send T and M to the bus and go to Ms. Lisa's house. And in the morning we did just that, we got up, we got dressed, we got T and M to the bus and then we got in the car.

As I pulled out of the driveway I looked at H.

All of a sudden he looked so big to me.

"Today you're going to Ms. Lisa's house. She is very nice H. You don't have to worry about anything. She's going to take care of you while I go to work. But I will come back."

He looked out the window and did his own blah blah blah's as we drove the two blocks over.

"You don't have to be scared, because I will always come back and get you." I continued.

But as we pulled in the driveway he screeched with excitement.

"Beep-beeps" He squealed.

"Oh yes, they have beep-beeps here H. See this place is fun." As if I needed to prove this to him.
We walked inside and H, hit the ground running. He was off playing with this, with that, with anything he could get his hands on.

"Goodbye" I said to a child too busy to even acknowledge me.

I left feeling odd. Because I realized that he doesn't need me by his side to do things.

He is independent.
He is smart.
He knows what he wants.

He went to Ms. Lisa's two days this week and both days seemed to have a wonderful time and good reports. (Despite his sharing issues and other normal two year old boy behaviors.) And on his second day when she told me he seemed more like 3, than 2, I wanted to burst into tears. He's still my little one!

But I do believe this is good for him. And me.

Even if it means me letting go just a little bit more.

My mom once said, how do you know the butterfly can fly if you don't let her go?
You don't. You must let go and let their wings take flight.

So, H, may your wings take flight as your mama learns how to let go a little more each day.

The Trials and Tribulations of Part Time Care.

I'm back over at Cribsheet today, talking about a childcare issue I seem unable to escape. Come visit me there and give me your two cents, or just come be my babysitter. You can read my sob story about losing babysitter girl, here.

Thinking.

I took a day off today from my two-day a week job. I've been doing that a lot lately. Mostly because I can. Now that my position has been cut I need to use up a certain amount of time off hours before the end of the school year. I've been using time off for various meetings and appointments. There's a local publication I meet with monthly about freelance things.

I'm also using my connections. Of the thousands of people that I graduated with at the U of MN, I really only took with me one connection that I still keep in contact with. After several months of botched lunches or coffee meetings (mostly due to me and the crazy life I've been living) we finally connected and I learned about a potential opportunity right up my alley.

I've also found new connections (at times, thanks to this blog). One such connection is a mom on a mission of building 'mom-friendly' businesses. Thoroughly enjoyed my time with her today while we bounced thoughts off of each other and would love to see where this leads down the road.

I feel like it's my senior year in high school or college all over again, where the world is my oyster and I can do or be anything I want to, except I don't know how to get there.

Last week I was offered a (babysitting) position within the school district that was more a slap in the face than anything. In all reality, I'm entirely overqualified for the job I've been doing let alone what they thought I might want to consider. Because I have a sense of humor I managed to make light of their offer, and they blankly stared at me like I was nuts. Let them think so, I'm fine with it.

Oh and then there's the whole child care thing. Babysitter girl part two informed me last week that she can only babysit until the end of April. Apparently she's going to New York with her e-harmony boyfriend for the month of May. (No offense to any e-harmony couples out there.) Here we go again. (Did I tell you that my job doesn't end until June 3?)

I'm beginning to feel myself getting a little bit stressed about not having a job.

I have discovered that when I am doing something I enjoy, I am not only happier and more content with my life but I am a better parent and a better person. Yes, I could become stay at home mom extraordinare but I wouldn't be a very good one. I need balance, like having one foot at home and one foot at a job that I enjoy where I feel I am doing something worthwhile. I'm not just looking for a job, I'm looking for someplace where I use my gifts and skills too and where I can be home sometimes and out in the world sometimes.

And I really do believe that my job being cut at the school was a good kick in the tush for me. But even I have to say it's kind of a scary kick. The world is a big, beautiful, yet overwhelming place.

So friends, family, strangers, whoever you may be...throw me a bone. Give me an idea to chew on, to contemplate. Don't like leaving comments? Send me an e-mail.

Make me get out of this comfort zone and do the things I say I want to do. Because we only get one life, and this is mine.

Heart Day.

Not a huge heart day fan. Like I've said before, I think love is in the everyday.

This Valentine's my heart is busy. I'm missing her today. And thinking of some other family members who need some prayers and love right now.

One is from Miss M. and the other is from 'a secrit admirer'. Hmm, who could it be?
And this one, who doesn't quite understand the difference between a holiday and a regular day. Somehow got into some heart day candies that babysitter girl had left out. He gets his sweet tooth from me.

J is cooking a dinner for him and I tonight. Should be a nice, quiet, early evening. But like I've said before, everyday is heart day to me.

07.07.07

So I'm a day late in my post but I promise I have good reasons.

T, played in a baseball tournament yesterday in the 98 degree heat. It was for sure a hot one. So hot we had to have babysitter girl (who's much improved with her timeliness by the way) come for the day and evening to watch H.

His first game was at 2pm and his second was supposed to start at 4pm but started closer to 5.

J and T warming up T's pitching.

T pitching.

T's team won first place in the tournament and ended the season in 2nd place for the Willie Mays division. It was a very exciting day.

Each player on his team received one medal for participation, one medal for the tournament and the trophy for the 2nd place win.

Like I've said before T is very good at ball, and played on the 9-10 year old teams this year at 8! Good job T!

The tournament and things wrapped up about 7pm and with 8pm reservations at PF Changs, J and I rushed home, showered, changed and headed out for a date night.

A perfect Saturday!

Especially on 07.07.07.

Revisiting the Family Bed. (And Why It Just Plain Won't Work For Us.)

Week two of our new ECFE class last week was certainly a nice surprise. I actually enjoyed it and felt like I was beginning to make some connections. (You know the old saying though, attitude is everything!)

During parent discussion time I was a little horrified to hear about one of the parent's sleeping situations at home. Her and her husband, their 4 year old, their almost 2 year old and their Great Dane, share a bed. She doesn't mind this set up but her husband is starting to get a little irritated.

Can't imagine why!

We all went around the room trying to offer our sympathies and advice and when it came time for me to talk, I explained that we don't share beds. (Remember I wrote about the family bed last year.) Everyone has their own bed, their own room and that's the way it is. Period.

Well, I should have knocked on wood that moment but because I didn't, our room has turned into some sort of three ring circus. The only child recently staying in their bed is T.

H, has again gone down the road of early rising the past several mornings. Most of which somehow end up with him in our bed a couple hours before we need to get up and J and I trying to avoid his arm punches and leg kicks.

The day of ECFE, H would not go down for a nap. After hearing him talk, sing and cry for almost two hours I decided I'd lay down with him in my bed and see if he'd calm down. I think I fell asleep before he did and two hours later we both awoke, though nothing got accomplished around the house. Oops.

Monday night after a long day at school, I was tired. J took H to put him to bed but instead of the typical silence that usually comes out of the room, I heard, "Mama" "Dada" ...for awhile. A long while.

I went into his room and for one of the first times in a long time, I melted. I hadn't really seen him all day and he was very cuddly. I decided I'd try bringing him in my bed and laying with him.

Bad idea. After he spent an hour trying to climb over me, when J came to bed he was a little more than surprised about this child in our bed.

Eventually H did return to his own bed. But just a few short hours later he was up again. And wide awake. As I climbed out of bed I noticed another child laying on the bedroom floor. Miss M. had decided that she wanted to sleep by us. The night prior to this she'd stood at the side of the bed asking if she could sleep with us, so the fact that she took it upon herself to sleep on the floor without waking anyone was fine by me. (Though still bothersome of why she doesn't want to stay in her own bed.)

With hopes that putting a dvd in for H might lull him back to sleep, I tried. J eventually said forget it and got up and ready for work slightly earlier than usual. I wasn't going to give up though.

By the time the alarm went off at 6:15, both H and M were sound asleep in my bed. But now I had to get up and get M out the door to school.

Needless to say, it was a yucky morning.

I told babysitter girl part two that H was tired but not to put him down too early. With a large amount of paid time off hours to use up before the end of the year I already had hopes of an afternoon nap. When I called home at 11, she informed me he'd already been out an hour. I rushed home, said goodbye and fell into my bed. Until 1:20pm.

I'm beginning to enjoy these said naps, but my list of things to do is certainly paying for it. Which is why this family bed thing doesn't work for us. Nobody gets enough sleep. We're cranky. We're uncomfortable.

It's not fun.

Tomorrow is week three of ECFE, and I might just have to keep my mouth shut. As soon as one says never, life has a funny way of changing on you.

Little One of Mine.

Sometimes I wonder what really goes through his little mind.

I bet he's got questions up the wazoo.

How come daddy goes to work a lot?

How in the world do those voices get inside the phone?

Why T and M sometimes disappear for a few days at a time?

Why can't I go on that big yellow bus? I promise I'll behave.

He is curious and busy and doesn't stop moving until he's asleep.

Since school started he's been more active. Or maybe he's not more active.

Maybe it's that I notice it more now.

Now that the other two are in school ALL day, and now that I'm working two days.

Maybe it just seems that he doesn't have people to chase as much. And in the days I'm home now I'm trying to get more accomplished.

I wish I wasn't. Accomplish less, sit on the floor more is what I wish my motto was.

He's started having some seperation anxiety. Crying and screaming, the moment that Babysitter Girl arrives.

He knows that her coming over symbolizes me leaving.

I hate that. But I know it's normal.

A quick goodbye and departure is usually in order.

But that feeling I get when I walk in the door after school is priceless.

His smile is full from ear to ear. His high pitched squeel of excitement.

The arms wrapped tight around my neck and the head on my shoulder hug.

I think it's those moments that make me realize why I love having a job, or commitments outside of this house.

It's those moments I understand what's going on in his little mind perfectly.

It's realizing that I am loved, missed and important.

Things I know anyway but sometimes just need to feel.

It's hearing his heart say, I missed you mom and I'm glad you're home.

Will you play with me?

Something I know anyway but just need to feel.

On Overcoming Separation Anxiety.

Miss E lasts a little less than 15 minutes in the church nursery on Sundays. We've had just one time that she managed to make it through the entire service in her fourteen months of life so we are getting quite used to seeing our family number flash on the screen at church.

Her first day of ECFE class was much the same two weeks ago as well. She did great with the initial separation until she actually realized I was gone and then she cried. And cried. And cried some more.

And then week two, not even five minutes into parent discussion, Miss E was missing me.

This is not something I am used to. H, has always separated willingly and maybe even wantingly. He has, never given a babysitter trouble or cried deliriously over us leaving. I was not a mom at preschool being clung to last fall, instead he waved and pretty much booted me out the door.

I have joked a time or two that I've got one child who can live without me so much it hurts and another who can't live without me so much it hurts. It is lose-lose, isn't it?

All that said, we've been there and done that just a touch with M when she was little. I recall when she was 4 and I was pregnant with H, the dropping off process at preschool was anything but fun. Those arms of hers were strong even then and clutch my neck she would do. More than once I would peel her off of me, walk backwards out the door, hearing her shrill scream all the way out of the building.

But it was short lived. And we made it past the hump. And if anything, she could at least talk and tell us what the deal was and we could converse, problem solving together. And she made it. Now she's fine.

But Miss E, all we get are cries.

She is such a mama's girl and I'm not sure what to do. She is with me most of all, it's true.

I hate to admit it but I have cast much judgement on other parents who's babes have had these same issues in the past. Claiming pridefully that it's the parents. It's the mom who has the trouble separating, which is why the baby is upset. I've said on more than one occasion.

And now, I've seen and learned, the hard way, that that is so not the case.

My E just wants me. All. The. Time.

And who am I to resist this cuteness?

There are a few that make her list, if she's in the mood, that is. If you're not on the list, be prepared for the fat lip, the sorrowful eyes and the cry that makes your heart hurt.

I know, or hope, it's only temporary and I do so love my girl and I admit, its flattering to feel needed all the time.

But I love people and I'd really love for her to love other people just a tad bit more.

Help a mama out here, what advice or thoughts do YOU have on helping E learn how to separate a little better?

What's For Lunch? And What Should We Read?

Now that we're getting into the school routine, the last couple mornings I've been struggling to come up with ideas to feed my littles for lunch. Once the year gets going and our mornings fill up with swimming lessons {somewhere new}, Bible study and ECFE, we'll probably be packing lunches and that's the thing I have down to a science. I can throw together healthy, balanced meals in 5 minutes flat for on the go, but many of those things are meant for "onthego" so I hate to use them up at home and also want some variety and difference for days away and days at home.

The thing that I'm trying to figure out is the it's "all of a sudden 11am and H has school at 12 and what should we have for lunch thing at home" that has me stumped?

Sandwiches only work for so long. Macaroni and chicken nuggets are usually things I save for babysitter days/evenings. Pizza? If I'm planning ahead. Leftovers, if I remember?

Can you give me some new, creative, at home lunch ideas that even I, a not so good cook, can throw together for my {sometimes picky} son and {dairy and peanut allergic} daughter?

Part two is about finding a book I can read aloud to my littles. Well mostly to H, but knowing that E will probably be running around half heartedly listening.

I have always loved reading and I love that H loves reading. We go to the library every week, read the books we check out a million times and his book shelves are heaping. I've been wanting to find a chapter book or series that I could start reading him aloud.

Now if he were a girl, I'd probably go the Ramona Quimby route but since he's a boy I've really been struggling to come up with ideas of age appropriate books or series I could read aloud.

The Chronicles of Narnia and Harry Potter seem way too old.

The Box Car Children?

Ideas, please?

Finally, as a way of saying thank you for your help and ideas, leave me a comment with either an at home lunch suggestion or reading suggestion {or both} and you'll be entered to win 2 free Noodles sandwiches.

{They've been rolled out in all the Noodles stores now, so whereever you live you can enjoy them!}

I'll close the comments Tuesday, September 14 at 8pm and choose a winner then!

*Check out the other giveaways going on right now over here.